I lacked the courage and the inspiration to become a great pianist, and perhaps laziness has played a fault in my decline of musical aspirations. It’s funny to me, I’d rather be surrounded by the successful and bask in their glory and accomplishments.
Because being part of that meant everything to me. It meant being allowed in their presence sufficed my mental state of failure. The triumphs and prosperity of the company that allowed my presence enveloped my being with envy.
My organ was just beating for the sake of motion, and my mind played tricks that I am victorious by association. A toneless instrument I had become before your harmony.
And so when I met you, realize you came into my life at the most darkest of times in my composition. If my life were sheet music, I’d be the tone of minor; dark and melancholic. You, with your strong affirmation of living — my major. I was merely a shadow of the person you desired, and there are no words for the mask I used daily upon your grazioso.
It was as if I celebrated Halloween every fucking day of my life, and let me tell you, dressing up for an unknown audience gets really old after awhile.
So you began my change of tempo. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for the feeling of vulnerability. The idea that everyone is in love with, but is too scared to actually feel — because it’s the most frightening experience of your life. To let someone control every thought, every emotion, every breath of your being and hoping they don’t wrap their hand around your throat and suffocate your last dying breath of optimism, but instead — to feel the warmth of their palm against your steadying beating chest, and for once in your life, your mind can’t fathom the physical, musical response of your heart, if it’s slow or fast.. you just know you’re on a high, and while the world is spinning in allegro like a merry-go round, you take the advice of Snow Patrol and forget everyone around and life becomes adagio.. but us.
I like to hide beneath the name brands of clothes because they make me feel like I’m more than just a mannequin — and no one questions what’s underneath.
But you — you make me feel naked, and I can’t remember the last time I loved the laziness of my bed more than when you are in it.. because there I am successful; it is there that my fingers perform my greatest works of art.