Most days I don’t even think about you anymore. Memories don’t hurt, and you hardly resurface my mind. Hell, I didn’t even think of you as I counted down the new year. It’s the first time in 6 years; we had this stupid habit of making each other our first and last thoughts of the phasing of years. So many little things we did, despite distance and time. It makes me wonder if I’ll ever experience that magnitude of love again.. or if I even want to.
I’m rambling. That’s besides my point, which is I am proud of myself and how far I’ve gone away from you, and towards me. And how much farther I still have to travel to become the person I want to be.
But I do have moments of weakness. It is times like this that I miss you so ridiculously much. Maybe it’s a selfish reason to miss someone though; for the ways you made me feel. But who am I trying to convince, I’m a selfish person now when it comes to my heart.
You probably understood me more than anyone else I’ve known thus far. Maybe even greater is that you knew how to comfort me. I don’t know where you learned that from. I surely didn’t show you willingly. I guess that’s what made me love you so passionately maddening back then; you knew my chaos, and stayed anyway.
But it does no good for me to dwell on the past. You are just a stranger I share memories with.. and I am just a girl under the same sky musing about shit that matters no longer.
I am undoubtedly my longest relationship. I am my own forever.
It both excites and terrifies me; and I don’t know which feeling is greater.